FanFire
by The Wicked Witch of Cupcakes
Summary: This is a song about fanfiction, set to Hellfire.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all! This is a song about writing fanfiction, put to the song Hellfire (which is a super epic dramatic song, check it out if you haven't). I have to give credit to my friend for helping me out with this one. So enjoy! Or burn…Just kidding. **

Beata Maria

You know I am a canon man

Of my writing I am justly proud

Beata Maria

You know I'm so much purer than the common vulgar AU-pairing crowd

SO TELL ME MARIA

Why my fic has zero likes?

Why the mean comments scorch my sooooooul?

I SAW IT

I LIKED IT

The gayest of the OTPS

Is filling my inbox out of all CONTROOOL

With fire

Hellfire

Is what should burn this fic

Cause crappy

Writing

Is turning it to shiiiiiittt

It's not my fault, I'm not to blame

It was the writing and the zero likes and flames

It's not my fault, the author's plan

had no development or plot and should be baaaaaaannnned

Like it, readers

Don't let the haters bring me down,

Don't let their fire sear my fanfiction!

Destroy the fanfic

And let it taste the fires of hell

Or else let it get likes and likes aloooone.

*Random background guard appears*

"Minister Frollo, your fanfiction is getting horrible reviews."

"But how? Nevermind. I'll get those likes. Even if I have to burn down all of Paris!"

*Singing continues*

Hellfire,

Darkfire,

Now AU it's your turn

Choose canon

Or delete it

Like my fic or YOU WILL BUURRN

Mods have mercy on you…

Mods have mercy on me…

But it will have LIKES or

IIITTT WILLL BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNNNNN!

*Dramatic ending as author throws computer into fireplace and immediately regrets it*

**YAY! Please review/favorite so I won't throw my computer into the fireplace in a fit of anger.**


	2. The Madness of the Author

**So because people seemed to like Fanfire, my friend and I decided to write an encore! YAY! This is set to the tune of the Madness of King Scar, from Lion King (this song was only in the Broadway Show). SO ENJOY!**

Scar/Author

_Hyenas/followers_

**Zazu**

Nala/OTP

Zazu…Why are my fics not loved?

(_Dramatic music begins)_

It is that rare and awesome thing,

It's every inch of OTP

And yet I feel a twinge of doubt…as I read my reviews

_Hey author!_

As my name is whispered through the forum, is it out of love or authorcide?

_Author who?_

Is my fic adored? Please tell me it's adoooored.

_Hey author?!_

Ooooh, what is it?

_We got a bone to pick with you. There's no fluff, no grammar…_

_It's pairing time and there ain't no stinkin OTPs!_

Oh you and your petty reviews. You don't know what REAL writing is. Day after day it gnaws at the very core of my being

_I had that once…it was a lemon!_

No no no!

It's an AU…deep…angsty…PROFOUND

_Yeah lemons! When they get realllly explicit all you gotta do is…_

_Hunker down and report it!_

Thanks for the tip. Amateurs!

If it weren't for me, you'd be beating off fangirls for your next ship!

_Yeah you're our savior, thanks a bunch_

_But how about some updates?_

_It doesn't matter if its canon, I need a fix of ships_

_My ships have moved to where they've never BEEEEEN_

_They've been bashed by fangirls all akin!_

Are you blaming me?

_Ohh noo…it's the fandom._

_You are so adored, you are so adored_

That's more like it!

_But what I'd give for one more fav, or follower who likes it_

_Or maybe an update o my favorite fic_

**But that ship isn't canon!**

Canon? CANON?

How dare you? I told you never to mention that word…

**Note taken. I shall never mention MmMmm again**

Even in hiatus the canon looms over me…

THERE IT IS!

No! There it is!

And there!

**Calm yourself sire! Or you'll get reported again**

I AM PERFECTLY FINE!

It's better than reviewer say

I HAVE REVIEWS, I am unseen…

My OCs are good! They're Mary Sues…

I stick to canon, I WRITE AU.

My writing is superb.

Yes it is

No its not

Yes it is

No it's not

MY writing is superb

No it's not, yes it is no it's not yes it is no its not yes no yes no….

WHAT AM I WRITING?

_*INSANE LAUGHTER*_

**Pull yourself together author!**

Ohh very well…

Nobody loves it, there's the rub…Not even with fluff!

What do other stories have that I don't have?

**Do you want the short list, or the long?**

Whatever!

**Welll…They have a developed plot…good grammar, well written smut**

That's it smut!

**WHAT?**

Smut man, smut!

Without smut, what is it? A story with no romantic interest, no romantic/comedic situations, no OTPs…

With smut I'll have…

VIEWS

The good reviews will be mine.

THE REVIEWS WILL BE MIIINE

*_RANDOM OTP APPEARS*_

OTP…OTP! You're timing couldn't have been more perfect. And my how gay you are

You've got to do something. This ship isn't canon

*_TANGO MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY*_

It's got that smut and fluff AU

It'll get me views

They're queerbaiting the fanbase!

Implied homo in every line

The fangirls get in line

It's destroying my fandom!

Come sweet pairing it's written in the stars…

What are you writing?

We'll give the readers mental scaaaaars!

Get those OCs away from me!

Tell me I'm adored! Tell me I'm-

_*Different ship becomes canon*_

OTP…You know how I loathe canon…

One way or another, I will write this fanfic!

Never author…never

The reviews belong to meeeee

THEY ALL BELONG TO MEEEE

_*Enraged Scream*_

**YAY! I hope yall enjoyed that. And if you have any suggestions, let me know in the reviews!**


	3. Be Prepared (For Fanfiction)

**ALRIGHT! This is set to "Be Prepared" from the Lion King. If you don't know this song you are a lost cause…I'm kidding, but look it up if you don't know it because it's pretty epic.**

I know that your powers of spellcheck

Are as bad as an illiterate fourth grader…

But thick as you are PAY ATTENTION!

My words are a matter of grammar

It's clear from your vacant expressions, you don't agree with my ships…

But we're talking characters and dialogue!

Even YOU can't be caughy unawares!

So prepare for the chance of a lifetime.

Be prepared for sensational crack.

A shining new update is tiptoeing nearer…

_And where's my ship feature?_

Just listen to teacher!

I know it sounds sordid, but it'll get better when at last I am given my VIEWS!

And a pairing DELICIOUSLY GAY!

Be prepaaarrrred!

_Yeah, be prepared! We'll be prepared…for what?_

For the death of an OC!

_Is it a Mary Sue?_

No fool, it's poorly written! And OP too…

_Great idea? Who needs an OC? No OC no OC LALALA_

IDIOTS! There WILL be an OC!

_But you said…_

I'll be the OC…

Stick with me and you'll never read Mary Sues again!

_Yeh! Alright! Long live the self-insert! Long live the OC!_

_It's clear that we'll soon be connected with a fanfic that has lots of likes_

Oh course, quid pro quo, you're EXPECTED to review with each chapter I write…

This fanfic is littered with PAIRINGS

And though it's the main OTP

The point that I must emphasize is…

IF YOU DON'T REVIEW I'LL STOP WRITING!

So be prepared for the fic of the century…

Be prepared for the strangest AU!

Meticulous planning, OTP fluff expanding…

Decades of denial is simply why I will

Have ships unresputed, respected, saluted

And seen for the wonder they are!

Yes the next chapter update is here…

BE PREPAARRRRED

_Yes our favs and reviews are prepared_

_WE'RE PREPARRRRREEDD_

_*EVIL LAUGHTNG AS AUTHOR PUBLISHES UPDATE*_

**MORE MANIACAL LAUGHTER…Oh wait, the fic is over…That's awkward. But you should still review because reasons stated above.**


End file.
